A lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner..

Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Ladies!

WANNA know what GONNA means? LEMME show you.

Have you seen words like "gonna" or "wanna" and wondered what they mean? Perhaps you have looked in a dictionary and been unable to find them. That's because these words are "informal contractions" or short forms of other words that people use when speaking informally. They are not exactly slang, but they are a little like slang. In fact, if you look in a good (big) dictionary, you will usually find them.

Here are the 7 most common informal contractions, with example sentences:

1. GIMME = give me

Gimme your money.
Don't gimme that rubbish.
Can you gimme a hand?

2. GONNA = going to

Nothing's gonna change my love for you.
I'm not gonna tell you.
What are you gonna do?

3a. GOTTA = (have) got a

I've gotta gun.
I gotta gun.
She hasn't gotta penny
Have you gotta car?

3b. GOTTA = (have) got to

I've gotta go now.
I gotta go now.
We haven't gotta do that.
Have they gotta work?

4. INIT = isn't it

That's smart, init?
Init strange?

5. KINDA = kind of

She's kinda cute.
Are you kinda mad at me?

6. LEMME = let me

Lemme go!
He didn't lemme see it.

7a. WANNA = want to

I wanna go home.
I don't wanna go.
Do you wanna watch TV?

7b. WANNA = want a

I wanna coffee.
I don't wanna thing from you.
Do you wanna beer?
Please remember that these are *informal* contractions.

That means that we do not use them in "correct" speech, and we almost never use them in writing. We use them only when speaking fast and informally, for example with friends. Also, the sentences above may be a little artificial because when we use a contraction like "wanna", we probably also use other contractions in the same sentence, as follows:

Do you want a beer?
Do you wanna beer?
D'you wanna beer?
D'ya wanna beer?
Ya wanna beer?
Wanna beer?